message in a bottle
by nicodiangelos.shoe
Summary: Percy sits on the beach, watching the sunset. Nico disappeared about 3 weeks ago and the 7, especially Hazel and Jason, have been in a tissy. It was weird to not have his presence around. To not see him at meals by Jason and Hazel. To not see him at weapons practice. Percy stands to go, and notices something near tide. A message in a bottle. He opens it an it reads: (TW: Suicide)
1. Chapter 1

To whoever finds this letter.

one thing I've learned is that Life is kind to no one.

another thing I've learned is that Death isn't either.

death will take anyone. i am no exception.

i am in a constant race with death.

always just slipping through its fingers. just scraping by.

risking my life for people who are too afraid to look at me.

saving a world who is ignorant of me.

people run from Death.

constantly pray that today is not their day to leave.

to take Death by the hand and just walk away.

i have waited for days for Death to come take my hand and take me away from my troubles.

i am tired of waiting.

by now, i am sure you know what this is.

i do not want any one person to feel solely responsible for my own decision.

i want everyone to take this as a message.

when we are young, we are taught to treat others how you would want to be treated.

one of the most ignored lessons that is taught.

if anyone was treated how i was, they would understand my decision.

i am not saying i am the only one who feels the constant stares and whispers behind my back.

i know there are others like me.

ignored.

stereotyped.

feared.

it was something i never wanted to be. feared.

and if you ever had the chance to meet me before my life changed, i'm sure you would've never guessed that this is the same person.

but i was changed that day.

the day someone who had made me a promise told me he broke it.

i hid after that day.

until the world called out and said it needed my help.

i suppose what i am doing now is hiding.

except this time when the world is needing heroes, i will not answer the call.

there are other heroes. new and veterans.

stronger than me.

smarter than me.

happier than me.

this is not something i did on a rash thought.

out of malice.

this is something i knew was coming.

i suppose i could've gotten help.

but i don't want it.

i want to be free of this world.

perhaps i will ask my father for rebirth and live a happy, normal life with no memories of this.

i am no longer happy. and i see no point in living an unhappy life any longer.

 **I** know you must be thinking i am being a bit dramatic. that i am doing this out of

 **A** nger

 **M** alice

 **G** reif

 **O** r perhaps you think i did this sheerly for attention.

 **N** o one cared when bianca died. no one thought to check in on her brother.

 **E** nough has been said. you will not find my body, and if you do it will be too late.

before i go, i will leave you one last confession. a shock. something that will have me remembered.

i love percy jackson.

oops.

see what i did there?

i said "i love".

can't say that anymore.

signed,

the late nico di angelo

the ghost king


	2. aftershock

_i love percy jackson._

 _i love percy jackson._

 _i love percy jackson._

These words keep repeating themselves in my head, like some broken record player. Constantly skipping and replaying the most painful words on the letter.

The sunset mocks me. Mocks me with its aura of calmness in a time of frenzied emotion.

The lake taunts me with its eerie stillness in a time of inner turmoil and churning emotion.

How ironic that the letter finds me. The boy who could've saved you. If only he cared. The boy who could've loved you back. If only he hadn't pushed you away. The boy who never noticed you. Until you were gone. The boy who should've noticed. If only he wasn't so self absorbed. The boy who lived. When you didn't.

I wish someone else could've found this letter. Someone else. Anyone else. Looked at me with grief-stricken eyes and handed me the letter. Finding out with the rest of my friends. Crying on their shoulders. Because no matter who's decision this was, it will always be my fault. My name was on the letter. I am the one responsible for Nico di Angelo's death.

My legs collapse under me, leaving me gasping for air like a fish out of water. Every memory, every time I let him down, everytime I pushed him away comes flooding back to my mind.

—

 _"You have to. You owe me too."_

 _Percy, I told you I was sorry… Please… Let me come with you. I want to fight."_

 _"You'll be more help down here."_

 _"You mean you don't trust me anymore."_

 _"Just go back you your father."_

 _"The Hunters don't like boys," I remind him. "If they find out —"_

 _"Don't let them find out. Follow them invisibly. Keep an eye on my sister! You have to. Please?"_

 _"Nico—"_

 _"You're planning to go anyway, aren't you?"_

 _I wanted to say no. But he looked me in the eyes, and I somehow couldn't lie to him._

 _"Yeah," I said. "I have to find Annabeth. I have to help, even if they don't want me to."_

 _"I won't tell on you," he said. "But you have to promise to keep my sister safe."_

 _"Come on!" I told Bianca. But she stayed frozen. From her pocket, she brought out a small metal figurine, a statue of a god. "It…it was for Nico. It was the only statue he didn't have."_

 _"How can you think of Mythomagic at a time like this?" I said._

 _There were tears in her eyes._

 _There was a knock on the door, and Nico di Angelo came huffing into the parlor, his cheeks bright red from the cold._

 _He was smiling, but he looked around anxiously. "Hey! Where's…where's my sister?_

 _Dead silence. I stared at Chiron. I couldn't believe nobody had told him yet. And then I realized why. They'd been waiting for us to appear, to tell Nico in person._

 _That was the last thing I wanted to do. But I owed it to Bianca._

 _"Hey, Nico." I got up from my comfortable chair. "Let's take a walk, okay? We need to talk."_

 _He took the news in silence, which somehow made it worse. I kept talking, trying to explain how it had happened, how Bianca had sacrificed herself to save the quest. But I felt like I was only making it worse._

 _"She wanted you to have this." I brought out the little god figurine Bianca had found in the junkyard. Nico held it in his palm and stared at it._

 _We were standing at the dining pavilion, just where we'd last spoken before I went on the quest. The wind was bitter cold, even with the camp's magical weather protection. Snow fell lightly against the marble steps. I figured outside the camp borders, there must be a blizzard happening._

 _"You promised you would protect her," Nico said._

 _He might as well have stabbed me with a rusty dagger._

 _It would've hurt less than being reminding me of my promise._

 _"Nico," I said. "I tried. But Bianca gave herself up to save the rest of us. I told her not to, But she—"_

 _"You promised!"_

 _He glared at me, his eyes rimmed with red. He closed his small fist around the god statue._

 _"I shouldn't have trusted you." His voice broke. "You lied to me. My nightmares were right!"_

 _"Wait. What nightmares?"_

 _He flung the god statue to the ground. It clattered across the icy marble. "I hate you!"_

 _"She might be alive," I said desperately. "I don't know for sure—"_

 _"She's dead." He closed his eyes. His whole body trembled with rage. "I should've known it earlier. She's in the Fields of Asphodel, standing before the judges right now, being evaluated. I can feel it."_

Here's one thing no one will tell you when you lose someone close to you: no matter how many fun or good memories you have together, any and every regret you have will flood your mind. And no matter how hard you try to think about something fun or positive, every small thing, down to the smallest of details, will haunt you. You'll think: "oh I should've held the door for them" or "oh I should have called them more". That is what grief is. No matter how many times someone close to you says "Let's do all these fun things, so that when one of us is dead, we'll have all of those memories to revel in.", but when it comes down to it, the only thing that you can think of is what you should've done.

How could I look Hazel in the eye and tell her that her brother is dead? How was I supposed to explain to Jason that his friend had taken his own life? How could I expect Chiron to explain to the camp Nico committed suicide? And how will Hazel cope when she realizes no one else cares? When campers will go on talking about him and wondering why he did it, but no one outside of the Argo II crew will be left reeling in shock. How would Will Solace, the boy whose been crushing on Nico for years, react? What would happen if I took my own life? People would talk, and cry, and wonder what they did wrong at any encounter they had with me. People would wonder what they could've done to prevent it, and an overall sadness and uneasiness would settle over the camp. But only if you were important enough. Nico traveled the Athena Parthenos across the country, along with three other people, yet he was not a hero in people's eyes. He was not worthy enough. Not even after fighting in every war and saving both of the camps, he was still just a son of Hades. Never the credited for the hero he was.

 _"i love percy jackson."_

Me. Out of 7 billion.

Me. Who let his sister die.

He should've chosen someone better to love.

I do the only thing that I can do.

I roll up the letter, push the cork back in, and drop it on the sand.

I can only hope that whoever finds this letter next is braver than I am.


	3. nothing and everything

p class="p1"span class="s1"She knew it had been class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"First from the look on Chiron's face, to a sharp, sudden loss of breath waking her in her sleep, feeling like a part of her was ripped class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"But this?/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"This was excruciating. This was incomparable to the feeling of her own death. This was finally finding family in a big, dark world just for them to be taken away from class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I have waited for days for Death to come and take me by my hand and take me away from my troubles. I am tired of waiting."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"That was the exact moment when she understood. When her world became nothing but high-pitched ringing and blurry class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"She heard a cry, and it was her class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"She felt strong hands guide her to a seat. Felt the familiar pair of strong arms wrap around her. Her friends must've understood too, because when she looked up Frank looked at her with sad class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"Her chest felt too heavy, it felt too hard to breathe. Like each breath wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to fill the hole he left in her. The walls loomed threateningly over her and closed in on her with each passing sentence. The feeling of everything and nothing all at class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"She looked up and all of her friends were looking between her and and the Hermes camper reading the letter. To her surprise, Percy was the only other one than her crying. She stood up on shaky legs and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around him, and he sobbed class="Apple-converted-space" /span/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1"The ringing quieted and the world stilled enough for her to hear the last line./span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p1"span class="s1""I love Percy Jackson."/span/p  
p class="p2" /p  
p class="p2"He class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p 


End file.
